You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
