careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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