I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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