you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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