Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
