He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
