Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
