Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
