My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You were trust falling into bushes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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