If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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