She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
