So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize