You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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