I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
