My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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