Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
