If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
