Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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