Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love having hate sex.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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