id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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