Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
