I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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