i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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