I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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