drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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