the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
