im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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