The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
