so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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