grandma shit on top of the toilet
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
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It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you bring me the toilet please
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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