doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
