wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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