my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize