And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
