I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Operation Purity has been aborted
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
