Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
