Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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