I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
