Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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