This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
