I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
