sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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