OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
