My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is Oprah even human
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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