Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
