Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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