Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
