I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
3pm strippers are depressing
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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