you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
