Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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