I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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