So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
