Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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