We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
