I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
