Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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