Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
