Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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