Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
