HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
