Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
