So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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