i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
