when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
