all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
