Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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