I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My hand turned me down
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
