There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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