I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
