You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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